SERIOUS GRIP - Key Persons

Anne Brant Stack started life as a perfectly respectable young woman. She played the clarinet, attended her neighborhood church, and twirled flaming batons for sporting events. Her hellish spiral began innocently enough with a little sketching and drawing. Examination of some of her early textbooks by social historians has revealed doodling in the margins, which may have led to more serious use of drawing pads and sketchbooks. Despite her frequent use of sketchbooks, Anne was still a productive member of society. Life might have turned out differently if she had not turned to painting and sculpture. Inevitably, she ended up on a film set doing props and set dressing. Anne is now participating in a court ordered seven-step rehab program for recovering crew types, which allows her to continue her work with Serious as long as she sticks to handling the money.

Most folks working on the crew side of the motion picture industry are, of course, familiar with the Vaeth-Levin series on diet and exercise for the modern grip or electric. We are proud to partner with Ben in his research into biorhythms on set. Ben has finally been able to regulate his heart and respiratory systems to well within a quarter of a cycle of 60 Hz. With a day's notice, he can switch to 50 Hz for PAL production. By achieving the proper biorhythm for the shoot, Ben is able to foster a stress free working environment for people working both above and below the line, resulting in lower budgets, better products and longer more enjoyable lunches. We are looking forward to a long, enjoyable and profitable association with this exceptional talent.

Dan Stack was born Milton Shaw, Jr. in August of 1982, but showed an early affinity for cars and burger joints and moved over to the Stack family because he feared exercise and tofu poisoning. Dan was taken in by the red meat eating Stack clan & raised in the best tradition of working class values, but was sorrowfully disappointed when he realized that being the boss's son didn't mean squat to grips. He would apparently need to work for a living. He tried to improve himself by attending an institution of higher learning, but he had a grip belt before he was 12, so he never had a chance.

Dave Stack is reuniting with the Shamans who were the spiritual ancestors of Serious in the pre-grip and electric era to explore and advise the National Park Service on Natural Sound and Light in a screen-free environment.

Dean Citroni is a gigolo who sings kareoke in his precious spare time.

Jennifer Evans left us. She met a guy and her tastes changed. She grew tired of eight and a half minute old sunlight and the artificial stuff and grew fonder of billion year old starlight. We appreciate her point of view, but had a hard time convincing our clients that they should film by starlight with satin filters.

Maja Feeney was never satisfied with merely making The Light and The Shadow, but was called to follow her path to immortalize it in silver salts. Or pixels, or whatever makes it work now. We're not really sure. She can usually be found these days on channels 5, 7, or 16, looking for missing chargers and heads to send rolling.

Mike Keelty has completed a successful tour of his native Ireland, where he showed the natives how to drink. He has perfected the art of lighting through feng shui & continues to command astonishing respect and regard for his feats in lighting and diplomacy.

Paul Thomas has been named commander of the 1st Regiment British Regulars.

Scott Perryman left Serious for a featured role in American Pickers, but contract negotiations fell apart when he refused to dumb down his character for the program. His unique style of scrapping, saving, and repurposing patches of light and shadow will be missed on the Serious Campus, but we are looking forward to his instructional video series on how to light and enjoy beer. After years of kicking ass and taking names, Mike O'Leary finally developed 600 reasons for leaving Serious Grip. We hope he will keep us in mind.

Job Titles:

• Advisor to Allen Greenspan

Steve Ericson is a trusted advisor to Allen Greenspan who enjoys frustrating telemarketers in his spare time.

Stewart Stack was born around 1573-76. His birthplace and early circumstances have been speculated on by academics for decades. Contrary to the groundswell of popular opinion scholars insist he is almost certainly not the author of the plays of William Shakespeare. He first appears in recorded history as an assistant to Carvaggio, where he lit the setup for many of his best works, including The Calling of St. Matthew. It was through his association with the great masters of art, and his admiration of the way light played off the emerging form of the young Lucrecia Borgia that cemented Stewart's resolve to become a world-class gaffer. Stewart's talents were not fully realized in the 16th, 17th, 18th and 19th Centuries. During this time he worked at odd jobs and admired women who were able to keep their teeth. It was only through the clever administration of his pension funds from the assistants guild that he was able to amass his prodigious fortune which he on the 19th Century turned over to a non profit foundation to encourage the work of his many friends: Nikola Tesla, Thomas Edison, Carl Zeiss and others. These associations, as well as earlier relationships with people such Louis Fresnel and Thomas Young laid the groundwork to create the Motion Picture Industry that we know today.

Zach "Deep Dish" Frederick comes to Serious from the distinguished international π institute. The Serious Human Resource Department was perplexed. Having heard the folks from π are squares, there was some concern about the suitability of the applicant. Zach has won us over with his skateboard stylings and incredible culinary skills. His ability to whip up a tasty π in the shop from the standard grip truck load list has fascinated us almost as much as his ability to light his creation and move the camera around it so skillfully as to make the viewer salivate and furiously crave one of his delicious deep dish πs.