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While hunting my summits, I lost a part of who I thought I was, and had to relive it to see that my current state of being was defined by unconscious reaction mechanisms to avoid pain and set earlier convictions…once proven vital to survive …now blocking my ability to live life to the fullest including the qualities I threw out of my being earlier to protect my self. Like in a flock of birds we all have our ability to decide if we go left or right, but we feel steered by forces of family and other forms of organization/systems, and feel that bigger forces are at play…..